Are cops heroes?

When I first drove a patrol car as a new, young policeman, I guess that in spite of the training and what they try and explain to you at the academy that I was still expecting it to be T.J. Hooker, Adam 12 and CHiPs all rolled into one.

But it's a lot like security work. You have a given number of buildings and property to check on and you drive up to Office A, cruise through, see that there are no broken windows, no flashlights dancing about inside, all chains and locks still on the fences, etc.

You mark it down in your book. Time. Location. All clear.

Move on. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Is that all there is to it?

No, there are traffic violations. Which while yes, can be ruled by "quotas" are also sometimes ruled by reverse quotas. A goofy stickler cop can get a whole sector in an uproar if he's going to camp out waiting to ticket every one who rolls through a stop sign - which is pretty much 98% of the populace.

What you pray for by night three is the two mainstays of a cop's life. Drunk drivers and domestic abusers. Each one alike enough that you can learn what you're to do. Each one different enough that it's kind of fresh each time.

The DUIs are mostly less comedic than you'd think, though of course you do get some funny stories.

The domestics are all sad. Sometimes Jerry Springer-y, more often just tired. "Tired" in the emotional/spiritual sense of the word. True, like they say, there can be danger in these, the wife will often side with her husband for the great reason that after he's arrested, who's going to pay the rent?

But the biggest danger - in spite there being a possibility of a knife or a thrown pot or pan - is to your ears. Cursings. Yellings. Screechings.

Actual danger in any of these situations? Mostly none. Most cops will even admit that the job is 99% boredom and 1% sheer terror.

And some cops - or former cops like me - will admit that the percentage of "sheer terror" is greatly exaggerated. Maybe one in one thousand "incidents" in your average town are going to generate "terror". Probably even less than that.

Given the vast difference between "surprise" and "terror".

You see, cops aren't dumb. The situations that have risks of danger are already well known. This is why it's never one cop responding to a domestic, but several. The "overwhelming force" approach is due to it making it more likely that no one will try anything.

(That and the other cops are dying of boredom and glad to come and stand around and glare at the abusive husband - as if cops are not THE leading profession when it comes to wife-beating.)

Bank robberies? Hostage situations? One finds oneself praying for such things, with no malice, but just more for a natural desire to be able to "prove oneself". It's normal, in youth anyway. Older cops grow out of that. No one truly wants that, it's just the idle thoughts of youths trying to excel, trying to prove their valor.

And that chance rarely comes.

For if those situations or any other truly dangerous situation arises, then the "overwhelming force" brought to play truly is overwhelming. You'll then be one cop out of dozens. Even in tiny towns and rural hamlets, for the truly dangerous situations there'll be a variety of other law enforcement agencies dog piling in to aid.

Watch out, brave warriors! He's "coming at" you!

So no real terror in those cases. One of the reasons why cops are so often mean is simply out of boredom. They wish to make excitement where there is none. Can they goad this dumb drunk into taking a swing? That would sure be more entertaining than most nights where apprehending a drunk just means cleaning vomit out of the back seat.

Can they goad this guy walking down the street into a chance to display their "courage" in putting him down with the aid of four of their fellow cops? Sure more exciting than doing the next check of Randall's Pharmacy on the corner of Boring Avenue and Snoozy Street.

Other times the meanness is due to cowardice. Some cops seem to truly believe that every traffic stop is a possible serial killer with a kid in the trunk. Possible? Sure, like a dino-killing asteroid hitting us before I finish writing this is possible. Probable? No, as the tens of thousands of retired cops who never once had that happen could attest to.

But they'll make the guy pulled over act like a mindlessly obeying boot licking robot under pain of macing or tazing or a beating all the same. And express pained offense if he in any way objects to this demeaning treatment, and then pour it on the more. And be violently over-responsive if the citizen being emotionally ground into the dirt in any way responds with the least hint of aggression. "Aggression" in cop-world being "finger pointing", "glaring", "within ten feet of the cop's personal space" or just "not cringing enough".

Understand that in each case, out of boredom or cowardice or both, every cop has enough animal cunning and plain old self interest to not pull this stuff on the "real" people. You know, the white and upper middle class people. Or the clearly well off minority. And the elderly - mostly - get a pass.

This 90 year old was caught feeding the homeless.
Watch out for the spork,Officer Hero!

They save that kind of "entertainment" for those who can't do anything about it. The poor and the minorities. And nowadays, if you're not upper-middle class, you're "poor". In cop-world.

Policing could be good and honorable work. But it's not the heroic thing most make it out to be. It's not really all that dangerous except when they're deliberately attempting to provoke a reaction - a reaction that they are well trained for and know to expect.

And if they're truly following all established protocol, then even the case of the serial killer with the kid in the trunk will be no danger to the cop who is wearing his vest, observing everything carefully, and who called in ahead of getting out of the vehicle.

In short, it's (possibly) a necessary job, but it's by no stretch a heroic job. It's just a job. It's less dangerous than the guy cutting down trees, or working on a fishing boat or driving a taxi. It's mostly boring. Until they abuse their power to give themselves excitement.

The great acts of "heroism" so trumpeted are no greater or lesser a percent than those who leap to aid others on oil rigs or rush in to save an office worker in a fire.

Cops aren't the heroes or gods they're made out to be. They're the guys who were more on the ball than those working mall security, but not bright enough to make detective. They're just regular working joes working a trade that is remarkable for how great an amount of unearned prestige they get for how little an amount of effort.